Finding Yourself Again
with Aga Lawrynowicz
This is an unedited transcript.
Welcome to the Mondays podcast. I’m your host, Holly Lowe. And this week, I’m very intrigued to have a conversation with one of the I think, more I don’t know, what’s the word, the more probably one of the highest qualified people I’ve had on the show today. So I just hope you feel excited about that. I got is an ex Petro physicist. And you’re gonna have to explain that to us. I know a little bit about that. But I know you can give it for now you’ve become a strategist, a mentor. I love that and a community organizer for super busy moms. Right? We’re all those mom. You’re also a mom and a step moms. You’ve got your own brood of kids that you know, different ages that you’ve been raising and learning from I’m sure. So welcome to the show. And I want you to tell me a little bit more about what that means where you’ve come from, and where are you in addition to. It’s amazing.
Thank you so much, Holly, thanks for having me on your show. First of all, I really am grateful for this opportunity to be here and talk to your audience. And to you to get to know you. I used to work in the oil and gas industry, almost 15 years I have worked on other things as well as then I became consultant Petro physicist. And, you know, I basically looked at some data and calculated whether there is all gas in the reservoir. So that was my previous job. Yeah, and now, you know, after becoming a mom, actually, for me becoming a monk coincide with complete cultural crash because I lived internationally since 22. But I moved to America. When I was pregnant, I moved from the Netherlands. That’s where I lived. I’m Polish originally. And in when I became my mom here, I realized how undervalued and underappreciated and taken for granted this all is. And I was shocked because, you know, I imagined this could be different because I either unlike my ancestral women, I went to school, I got education, I was financially independent, and yet I was in the same boat, you know. So that was that was my observation. And that’s how, you know those long story I had, I hit the rock bottom first, you know, as ghost stories, and I started meditating. And I think meditation really saved me. Through that, I was invited by my meditation teacher to be a teacher, education teacher, for teenagers. And I took this extensive program and during this program, I was thrilled because I could I got tools to deal with my teenager back then, stepsons that, I realized that actually, I want to help moms. So that’s where I am.
I love that. I know, I want to I want to hit on something there for a minute, because I’ve spent a lot of time in Europe. And I want you to tell us just real quick, because I know people will want to know, are there any really defining differences between being a mom, let’s say in the Netherlands, as opposed to America?
Well, I don’t know because I’ve never been okay, that’s what I can tell you is that it seems like there’s a better infrastructure around motherhood. You know, raising children is kind of, is it I feel like here in America, you’re in Canada, so might be different as well, but in America, I live in Seattle, Seattle is full of, you know, high tech companies and Most people work there amongst the spouses. So yeah, there’s some connections. And what I noticed is when I worked in the Netherlands last time, for instance, in a consulting office, we, we had lots of colleagues who had kids, school aged kids. And you know, we knew that this person needs to leave on, let’s say, Thursdays at three because he’s coaching his son’s team. And this guy’s which I really appreciate, because I feel like in America, in the US, especially normalizing the fact that people have family is so much needed, not only for women, for women, especially but also for men, because men also have families. And if we don’t empower women to be family, I mean men to be family men. We told me this adoring moms who are at home, I kind of juggle everything. So I think that was that’s a that’s a difference. There’s a fundamental difference that I see from afar now, because as I say, I never write was a mom and Europe.
Yeah. And that’s, that’s so true. So that’s something I’ve noticed, too, just between England and Germany, in different places, was that respect for a family needs seem to be much more, you know, it just was common. Whereas I know as a mum in the workplace here, or a dad, like you said, in the workplace in North America, that’s an afterthought, right? It’s like, that shouldn’t be a part of your issues with work, work and family are separate. Whereas I find like, Europe’s got a little bit of a healthier add on that. So I hope we can change the title a little bit. That’s my mission anyway. Your, you know, relationships between our work lives, whether we’re entrepreneurs or whether we are working for someone else, but that those expectations that should just be heard of who we are as a work person to
- And I think the pandemic changed a bit you know, Holly, because suddenly the kids are appearing on the zoom calls, walking in the background, which is
a once in a while funny, now it’s the every day. So that’s, that’s a good part of this. Yeah, yeah, I do, I actually did appreciate the shifts that happen for a lot of families trying to work from home school from home, we’ve homeschooled for years, so and world school as we’ve traveled, so it was interesting for me to watch other people trying. And it was a struggle for many families, and unfortunately, but watching that shift happen, and a whole new understanding of I am in priorities and how we can use what what we’ve got the resources we have, you know, and how we need help in certain areas. So it in some ways, it was a good thing, you know, we had to resign so bad. So that’s something I know that you, you know, have a passion for two is just as you find your identity walking through motherhood. And I know, for many of us, myself included, we lose ourselves in motherhood, too, right? So finding that, that place, whether we used to be a work mom, or not work on a working woman, maybe are professional status, moving into motherhood, maybe taking Matt leave, and whatever, I Canada, we’re blessed, we have a year off, and dads can take paternity leave and all that good stuff. So I know it’s a little harder in the US, as far as leave goes. But how does that identity? How does that identity shift? Maybe? And how do we keep who we are as we become a mom? Or maybe we don’t keep who we are? What does that look like?
Oh, gosh, you know, maybe we don’t keep who we are. Because the funny thing. In fact, I’m deep in it right now, because I’m leading a program, which is called the liberated mother. And the first module is called the defending your identity. I talk about that a lot. And you know, and the funny thing is that we first get to think about our identity when it’s kind of taken away from us. But when you when we start thinking deeper, many of us, not everyone, but many of us realize that actually the identity that I have built all these years is a BS you know, and really, because what it is, if you think about it, how you how your identity first was created, how it came to be, it really is the pleasing people, but it’s struggling with self worth seeking approval, seeking validation as a young person, you know, and also subscribing to the beliefs of the society you are in, you know, like your family, maybe any you know, let’s say also, you know, there’s some families that they have. Everyone is a doctor, and you know, you wake up one day and you have to go to college and you become a doctor without even second guessing it. And then you become a mom and it Nothing makes sense to you. Which is often the case, right? I wonder what is your story? How about with that? Because really, for me, oh my gosh, how cool is that to say I’m a Petro physicist, you know, that was like, my ego loved it. You know, I love that because especially, you know, I was the first woman in my family first person. In fact, my family who pursue the higher education? Wow. And suddenly I was I was financial independence, this super cool job, I traveled a lot. And giving you that, like, coming to terms with the fact that doesn’t resonate with me. And it’s not my, it’s not aligned with me. Oh my gosh, that was a big one for me. And that made me realize that actually, my previous identity was a BS.
I love that. It’s so true. And it’s letting, letting go and shifting. It’s not easy either. And maybe your story is similar. But I You’re right, like I went from, I love to being known as a professional figure skating coach. And many people don’t know that about me. I love, love to that career. I’d love to being a skater. I love being an athlete. And I loved being a doula. I attended births for many years before I even had my own babies, which is very unusual for doulas to not have their own babies when they’re working as one, you know, I there was a lot of things I became known for I had my own baby store and our little downtown, you know, historic core that people knew me for, I became known as the wife of my husband, because he was very well known as a real estate agent. So I was Gabriel’s wife, right? So you have these identities, maybe wrapped up in other people are in what we’re published. And I remember the day that my husband said to me, I think you need, we need to talk seriously about you closing the baby store. And I knew I needed to, it wasn’t, you know, it wasn’t a shock to me that he said that we were pursuing things with doTERRA. And we’d become very successful. And it was taking a lot of energy and time for my family. And for me to keep that business running, and travel and do all the other things we were doing. But I remember the pain I felt of letting that identity, just go. And I’m glad you said that. Because sometimes we want to keep what we had and try and blend it into the new and you’re like, it just doesn’t click doesn’t fit. And I did that for about nine months, I struggled and I tried to hang on to bits and pieces. And when I finally let it all go, it felt so good.
But you know, how do you need this transition of struggling for this nine months, you know, I did it too. I had my consulting business when I had my one baby and was pregnant with with my second. And gosh, you know, you have to have the struggles to realize, actually, you know, how liberating This is to. And in fact, I think really this, this transition into motherhood, when you really get to re evaluate your identity is very enriching for your identity. Yeah. Because you suddenly start, you know, thinking big picture, you don’t think about the only, I mean, you know, it’s hard to let go of ego. But you don’t think only about, you know, like, how am I? How do you think about your children? How are you showing up for them? How are you giving them example? Because they do what you do, right?
Yeah, yeah. And I think as women, especially I’m not meant to be but as women as moms, we are acutely aware of the legacy that we’re creating, right? For the most part, right? We I don’t know, I lay in bed at night and think, you know, what is my son gonna, say? 10 years, 20 years from now, but what I did today, you know, because I did it wrong. Oh my gosh, right. Like we replay what we’ve instilled in them. And I don’t know any other creature that does this, you know, like, we actually deeply analyze about all of us, do you, but I do for sure. And I’m sure you do. mistakes, we analyze our decisions, we analyze our identity, sometimes, to the point that we live in that guilt or that loss. Yeah. And we don’t get a chance to move through it and find out who we actually are. And I love, I always wanted to be a mom. Like, I remember going back and reading my journals from grade one. When you’re in a mom, those are my two things, which is what I am. And it’s funny, because I feel like I took a whole circle to fulfill that identity. And I’m in my 40s now and I’m so at peace with who I am. But it took me forever to get here. You know, it’s funny, and yet when I was six, I knew that’s what I was going to be.
You know, because you there’s so many things about it. How do you you know, like being at peace in the motherhood is really tricky. Especially when you have some something when you had something before then you realize, okay, that didn’t really make sense was me. But you know, also the society how it treats motherhood, you know, you just give birth and you go back to life as you knew it from before as you lived it before. But it doesn’t work. I mean, you can live like you lived before babies, everything changes. And there is no way back, right?
No, and I love that you said that because it’s it’s important as we become moms, especially new moms listening to this. It’s okay to keep some of the things you loved. And the parts of you that you’re like, I can still maintain that, you know, maybe there were hobbies you love to do and you have to set them aside for a time or whatnot. And that really fills you up. And I think finding those things that fill us as opposed to the things that we need to feel hold. That makes sense. Yeah. Defining labels that fall away and actually rediscovering I love that process more so with my last baby then with my first job because I was so neck deep in the business of running businesses, and, you know, that’s what I missed some of that, but with my last one, I loved the process of becoming of just stripping some of that away and going, Okay. Now, who do I want to be? Right? I want to move forward into the next 10 years of my life into something that I want to be doing. Not pause are working with someone who can pull that out, you know, and help you get to that place. I think that’s really important. Yeah, because
you know, especially for moms, we have so many shoulds, you know, there’s this, there’s this kind of tension between your ego what the Thursday, okay, I’m this very important personal in that identity in that professional identity. And then, you know, it’s really hard to, it’s hard to kind of get to the bottom of it, because really, you know, you have some some of your hobbies, etc. And some of your past identities you want to, you want to hold on to, you know, but this is a very complex process for sure.
I love that. I love the process, as much as it can be messy, as much as it can be painful in some cases. I think, having been through it so many times with each baby, and with the career change, or whatever I’ve done looking back, and maybe we can offer that to especially love it, we can offer that wisdom and say, the process, there’s beauty in the process, right? I would say there’s, there’s a message in the mess, just right, you got to walk through it, and then you will find it. But another thing that I know, can get tricky as we’re doing this is what a priorities right. So as we’re, as we’re going through some of these changes, as we’re focusing more in the thing, here’s where I am now, maybe you’re at home with the baby now, and you’ve been working a lot, maybe you’ve always been a stay at home mom, who knows. But whatever that looks like where you’re at right now, when you’re prioritizing that could be your, like I said, it could be your self care, it could be your hobbies, it could be who you actually feel you are now or what it is you’re drawn to do. How do we focus in who we find the right way to make that happen in the right timing along with all the other stuff we’re doing?
Who I think the time is undervalued time and by time and I think just I mean, turning into yourself, that means sitting still with your thoughts with whatever is going on in your internal landscape. So to say, I think this is so much needed, and especially for moms, because we’re so busy, there’s always some unfinished tasks, wait, you know, task waiting for us somewhere. So that’s, that makes it very challenging, but it’s worth to do that. And you know, that women often come to me because they, they feel like, Oh my gosh, my life is a mess, I can’t really, you know, like, keep up with everything I have to do. And many women that come to me are women who are type a very, you know, powerful career women in the past or even you know, currently, and some of them expect me to kind of go with them through the SMART goals, you know, and I don’t do that I kind of teach people how to prioritize how to flip flip your list is my one number one, number one to four months. So flip your list is this you know how you’re on your to do list, there are these tasks that you need to do. Basically, it never ends because you have your hang these pictures and bring this I mean, whatever it is a lot of stuff. And on the very bottom and the are these tasks that you want to do for yourself, you want to indulge when everything else is done. You know, and these tasks are sometimes super simple. I started walking everyday, or like read that book because I wanted to finish that book, you know, and, or established my morning routine, something like that. And some of the tasks have you know, they take only five minutes a day or 10 minutes or whatever, something like that. And yet we never get to do it because they’re on the bottom of the list. So flip your list is choose one of those tasks on the very bottom, they may not even be on your list but they kind of like in your in your head when you finish everything else. And bring this one of the things that would want to the top of the list. And just start with that. Start your day or start whenever you have an unstructured time like your baby’s sleeping or something you know, start with that one task. And it’s really funny how when you do this indulgent which are not really indulgent items for me to do list how everything else falls into place. So this is my number one recommendations, which is very simple. But honestly i think i Having some kind of mindfulness practice is really helpful because it helps you turn inward and realize what is important to you. What do you want to, you know, make space for? And how do you want to show up for your children? This is a very, this is a, how do you want to show up for your children that speaks to moms, because all of us want to show up to our children the right way?
Yeah, that’s true. And it’s something that when I’m dealing with postpartum moms or new moms right after Baby, I try to encourage them that it’s okay to have a few minutes away. To take an hour and go for a walk by yourself, believe it or not, you actually need a little body space with from your babies to feel like you can keep giving, right? If we’re I used to work for many years as a preschool teacher. And I remember I didn’t have children at the time very specifically, because I didn’t know that I could keep giving out to my own children while I gave up to other children all day long, right? I work with infants and infant development for many years. And I held off having babies for that reason, because I really felt like and I know many men do it, and they’re great at it. But I really was very conscientious with how much energy it took to be one on one or three on one or five on one with babies and children every minute of the day all day long. And then I had my own and I’m like, yep, I do need breaks, right? Begin with me first baby. I never, I wouldn’t let anyone look after I had PTSD pretty bad after he was born. So it took me about a year to get through that trauma. But I wouldn’t let anyone take him unless I was nearby. And I remember the first time I had an hour to myself. It was literally like life changing moment. For me, I came back feeling like a completely different woman. And from that point forward, I made it a really important, you know, like, a non negotiable with my plan. That even if it was a couple of times a week, mom got at least an hour out. Nothing, wasn’t running errands wasn’t gonna freeze, right? We think walking through the grocery store alone. I know. No. I mean, use that. But that’s you really have to be intentional about it. And not a kind of unplugging, not letting that time Take up your brain space, either by scrolling, you know, social media or comparing yourself or whatever it happened. But sitting like you said, sitting in your thoughts and just having time to think, yes, so many of us who don’t pause and it’s just been going right. It’s busy, and it’s justifiable.
ees is very glorified. I think, you know, in Germany, I come from Poland, Polish women are very industrious, working hard all the time, like making sure everything is just so. So that’s my culture, too. And I think that makes us also be in this doing mode all the time. So whenever we have a moment to sit down, instead of just sitting, we just take our phone instead of going right. And that’s just kind of doing mode playing tricks on us. We don’t have to scroll but we keep ourselves busy, because we think we have to, but I want to know so what what how old was your child when you discovered this one hour for yourself?
Oh my gosh, he was actually so it’s kind of a sad story. My my dad passed away suddenly, like in his sleep out of the blue wasn’t sick or anything. When he was 59. And him and my firstborn were best buddies. And they wrote he was only a year old, my my baby at the time, but they were inseparable, like they he adored. And because of the trauma of his birth, I had been through a crazy delivery with him and my PTSD. I wouldn’t let anyone take him. Even my husband like it was really hard. We had a really hard to hear. But I had no problem with my dad having him. So I remember that first time, it was just certainly before my dad passed away, that I left him at their house with my mom and my dad. And I was like, Okay, cool. You know, and I think I wouldn’t got my hair done. I’m pretty sure that’s what it was. And the whole time I was anxious because I still had that PTSD going on. But I still was able to regenerate. Right, I was still able to breathe and to actually recognize there was something more going on with me, right? Like this anxiety wasn’t normal. This, this not being able to be the separation issues I was dealing with wasn’t exactly help, right. But I had work to be able to see that. And it was when my dad passed away and all that shifted. I really noticed it because I felt like I lost that safe person that I could do that way. And yet, I realized how valuable it was. For me. There was a long process of grieving and then also learning to let go getting healing for myself and all of these things that happened out of that, that I’m so grateful for in the process of it all, you know at the end. Thank you. No,
yes, thanks for sharing with me that you had this. This difficult experience after giving birth. And I want to say that I hear a lot from women having Like, there’s so many traumatic birth stories that are not even kind of processed, because women assume that this is how it’s supposed to be, you know, I had a miscarriage as well. And I, the way it was treated by my medical provider was I, you know, like, as if there was no space for me to grieve, or any, you know, like, have any, I had a young baby at the same time, you know, my, my daughter was year and a half or so. And I had this miscarriage and it was so hard, frankly, it was just impossible to Yeah, to process. And I think that’s what the that’s what that’s, that’s a part of our culture that this hard emotions kind of are not allowed to be expressed. And you can’t find a consolation in a community because oftentimes, it’s, you know, we all go a little bit crazy with babies. I don’t know if I know one person who didn’t go a little bit. I’m not sure. I don’t want to call it crazy. I said, figuratively crazy, because, you know, some unexpected emotional turbulence has happened. And myself, too. When I look back, I think, Oh, my gosh, it was I was actually crazy. The, the, the, the amount of OCD I had. But it
is a very real thing. It’s a very, like, yes, definable thing in postpartum moms. And doesn’t matter how many babies you have. It will show with each one because you have some experience and understanding. It still doesn’t matter. You’ll still look back on every single one and go, Oh, she’s what wasn’t thinking, like, where was my older. And we know that sleep deprivation plays into it. Hormones play, and there’s just a real thing that happens. And we do grow through it. And some of it, you just have to just wait, you know, you
just Yeah, exactly, Holly, but the important thing is to talk about it so that moms who listen to us, let’s say who are expecting babies, they know that there’s something coming up, but also forming community around it. It’s so important that you can really talk to someone that will understand you because it’s going through the same or hasn’t gone through that.
Absolutely, especially like huge time with that with postpartum trauma. Those are big, we miscarried as well. And I remember my husband felt very alone. And I was dealing with my own grief my own way. And as a birth professional, I had that community who supported me with midwives, and doulas, but he didn’t know that he was going through his own process saying, you know, you don’t even clued in to that. And also for dads too, and just having that ability to speak out about it. And to be able to say, this is what’s happening. This is hard. Yeah, safe to do that. I mean, I think we’ve come a long way. Thankfully, you’re right in that conversation, and I hope with these kind of podcasts, and with our conversations we have, I hope that there’s more of that, right, that we feel it’s okay to share that we’ve lost a baby or that, you know, we’re really struggling after we’ve had a baby without judgment. Because, you know, there is always that fear.
Yeah, especially that, you know, sharing your struggles and not in the way of, you know, like, just because people I think people are afraid to be to complain. But it’s not really about it, it’s sharing your pain, so that to normalize it, that it’s okay to be in pain sometimes. Just basically show that to others as an example. I don’t know how to call it, but I think it’s important to,
you’re right, I think there’s a safely and a smart way to do it, too, like social media is lovely. And it’s got such great benefits, but it also is highly judgmental, and very, can be very horrible. And I think, you know, having someone like yourself who professionally can help moms walk it through or a postpartum doula or something in that case, where you maybe can start there, right, where you have something you feel is 100%, you know, there for you on purpose, then that’s, I think that’s a good safe start, you know, and then if you have that platform to share, I mean, have a good friend, Emily, who’s going to be sharing with us on our podcast soon. And that she does a ton of work with birth trauma, and advocating for mums who have had horrific birth experiences. And there are people who are very highly trained in this or very well screech and how to help people through this. But having the conversation I think that’s step one, and just being willing to
help with this, you know, yeah, yeah, definitely. You know, honestly, I feel like there’s so much taboo around motherhood in our culture, right? It’s archetype of mom who has no needs, who has no sexual needs, etc. It’s just so damaging for moms.
And that’s where that whole identity comes in. Because we can, as much as we might shift naturally from a professional identity into motherhood, we can then lose our you know, again, lose our needs and what we what matters to us, we can lose that in being mom, and what mod looks like right? So but here’s the
thing, the more you rooted in your own, like, you know, like aligned it with your values, the less likely you are to lose your identity with babies. You know, because here’s the thing when you face this for me, I was this petrophysics I Oh, I identified with it I was I had a cool job I traveled love was well paid, etc, etc. And suddenly I was a mom, just a mom. So you started having this ambition of, you know, bringing your professional type A to your motherhood, which is impossible because you’re just this is this is so this is the wrong way. You know, there’s no wrong way. In fact, but but what I mean is motherhood can keep you so busy that it’s losing yourself, it’s just, it’s just always comes as a risk for the job description. But the more rugged you are with your value in your values, the more you know how you want to show up to the world and to your children, the less likely you are to really kind of get into this, you know how motherhood can make you feel, get lost in a sense of being so busy out of love, because you care for your children, you love them, you do everything for them, you barely sleep, you keep your laundry basket empty, right? And then suddenly, you realize that you don’t even have time to look at your children and see them you don’t even know who they are. Because you don’t look so busy doing things out of love. That often doesn’t feel like laughter them. That will certainly me I’m speaking from my own experience. It’s
funny. So my mom was on we had my sister and I had my mom on for Mother’s Day episode. And it was so much fun. But it’s something that she always says to us because she was she was like, Mom homemaker to the max. Like, if anyone can get house beautiful, clean and cook good meal. He was that woman. But she has, you know, said in the past, she’s like, but I left all the fun stuff up to the dad. Right. And that’s why he was your best friend. Because I agree that you know, our hobbies or our spouses or partners, whatever, they can have those other roles, and we can balance each other off that way. Yeah. I’m and again, I don’t feel like I’m the one who always wants to go play with my kids that that list sometimes do. But I am the one who wants to teach them how to fish, right? I am the one who likes to play baseball with them. I do those things. But if I’m so lost in my duties that I think then it’s easy to just miss out on some of that good stuff, too. So my mom always said I wish I had cared a little less about that. I wish I had stopped cleaning the house a little bit.
Yes. Oh, yes. So many so many people talk about this. You know, so many moms.
I’m in my kitchen. I never recorded my kitchen. Like, my kids are coming in to get water. And I’m like, no. I’m good. He put the water in in the question.
That’s my office. We just got it my whole office downstairs and I usually have like a backdrop and the whole thing set up. So everything is all over the place. That’s why I was like, guys, just I’ll be done soon. Okay, go go go. I’m glad I can get some good to see behind the scenes. Feel like I told him I said I’m trying not to be like grumpy. Mom. I want to be fair to you guys. But you have to help me out just for a little bit today. Oh, yeah, for sure. You know, this comes with? It’s so good. Okay, we’re good. I want to continue what you were saying Go for it, if you know where you’re at? I’m not that’s okay. Yeah, I forgot about that. Let’s try just we’ll finish up here. Let’s chat just for a minute about we were talking about community and the idea of, you know, how it can feel isolated, I think is what we didn’t say that. But I think that’s something that is what happens. And again, I’m going to bring social media into this because that’s a big part of my world. And a lot of, you know, it wasn’t with my firstborn. I didn’t even have a smartphone, you know, like it didn’t play a role. I didn’t have Facebook at that time. Like I’m aging myself now. But none of those things really weighed on me or played a role either way, either in a supportive way or in a detriment way. But it is now it’s definitely a big part. And I’ve a lot of the mums that I work with, or I talked to. It’s amazing how disconnected they still feel. And I think that’s really important to recognize that, you know, we can normalize these things with these conversations. But unless we’re having meaningful connections as well. mums are still feeling lonely.
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I don’t think that social media can be a replacement of connection. I mean, it can be kind of extension of connections, but it can’t replace connections because I know that there are many mounts who have this, you know, who have nice groups and they have they talk to each other on some platforms like Facebook. They have some kind of group messages going on somewhere, you know, on WhatsApp or Vox or something like that. And I think that’s great. That is a great tool to extend your connection. But it’s it’s not replacing great rip, you know, replacement of connection. Because here’s what happened when you learn the new social media is your reference point. Social media is full of the moms in white dresses.
Yeah. MFIs, right. Like, why does everybody on Instagram have a white children? children might suffer white clothing, and everyone’s making chocolate muffin, and no one is getting
off social media. And I think it’s really. And also we forget how only part of the other person’s reality is on social media. We don’t see how she argues with her husband that she has, you know, she’s close to divorce maybe or they have they struggle with a sickness, their family, we don’t see that. So we tend to compare ourselves and, you know, and struggle, because, oh my gosh, I don’t have this amazing life. You know, I can’t keep up with Joneses. And, you know, Instagram, Joseph, hard to keep up with because we don’t see the whole show. It’s all filtered. That’s what yeah, I started as mainly like a life coach. That was one one. And now I mainly work with groups I love working with growing, because I noticed how the community and connection how valuable it is and how needed it is, you know, I’m thrilled, every time when I say my group coaching sessions, or any events, I run classes for parents, as well as for moms. And I see this kind of me two moments, which are so nourishing for people, you know, because we have so much shame as moms, you know, oh my god, am I doing it right as a parent as well, generally. comparing ourselves that, you know, I lost my co how terrible is the guilt, the shame we experience. And sometimes in this group settings, people would share something extremely vulnerable. They feel so much shame about what they share, only to realize that, yeah, me too. alone. We’re not alone with this shame, because other people experienced the same or similar kind of shame, because nothing is the same really. But surely, we’re more connected than we think and love. You know, and you think you did something most horrible to your child. And then it turns out that you’re not alone. And, you know, many people did before you because, you know, it’s hard to be the perfect parent who always has the right answer from a parenting book, right.
And that’s a really important thing. I love that you do groups that is it’s so important, we started doing that with our I used to do private prenatal classes, it was just one a couple at a time. And then we started doing groups and then died. I mean, we still offer private if they needed it, but I noticed the group dynamics was so beautiful, and they would stay friends for years, we have a couple of groups follow and their kids are like 13. Now, you know, and they’ve stayed friends since their prenatal classes. So there is something very special about like we were talking about, but that support and that ability to just be, you know, verbal with each other and to feel like you’re not the only one going through this, or to have that feedback from other people. Like, hey, listen, I tried this, and this worked, you know, or it’s such a valuable mastermind ability to have that group around you. So yeah, thank you for sharing that. I want to know how people can find you. So what is the best place if they want to work with you? Or they want to connect into any of your programs? How would they do that?
So I have a website, which is very easy to remember, choose clarity, one word, dot i Oh, no, don’t come but don’t I Oh, it’s so tight that I always my website. And if you sign up for my newsletter, I don’t really, I don’t send my out much. I mean, I’m a mom like everyone else in my audience, so I don’t send weekly emails sometimes I’ll do when I feel inspired, but I really am aware of how busy mums can be so I don’t want to overwhelm mum. So if you’re on my mailing list, I always send some offers. If I launch a new program, if I launch a new new offer, I always include some dear for my meaningless if you’re my mailing list, you’re most likely to save some money on my programs. And right now the liberated mother is running and it’s a six month group coaching program for for moms as you can imagine, and I’m gonna launch the parents liberation project in September. And I think it’s a wonderful project. It’s going to be second session of it. I ran one in a in a spring and it’s It was amazing. Did you know The breakthroughs the parents have the connection they found in a group. And this program is specifically to help moms and dads Actually, this is the only thing that that I invited in my work I only work with nouns. So this will parents generally. And it’s not to you know how parenting books and parenting programs often offer you advice how to fix your child, if your child does this, do this, you know. And this problem is really about looking into how your ego affects the way you show up for your child. How your fears plays into how you, you know, relate to your child, it’s basically to help parents show the best way they can for their children, and, you know, to address their own healing that needs to be done so they can, you know, promote the healing for their children and other people.
That’s amazing. And listen, I’m going to be signing up for that one because my hubby and I love doing work like that. We haven’t done a lot of parenting things together. And we both comes from really diverse upbringings, like backgrounds very, very, very opposite each other. So I know that’s something that we would definitely love to do. So I’ll be looking into that now all of your links will be up as well at each episode, you’ll have the links in all of our broadcasts locations, and make sure that you follow we can follow you on social media anywhere.
Yes, I am on Instagram as well. The handle is two slides that I Oh, you know, those this, these are my main channels. I also have a show that I just finished for season, which Holly and we need to talk about because whenever the second season starting, I would love to have you on the show that the show was first called when I started it in October 2020. It was called mom’s there. But then along the way, I noticed that suddenly that name was trademark trademark. So I started calling it interviews with badass moms. And these interviews were streamed on YouTube live on youtube, but also available on my Instagram on my igtv and I interviewed 20 amazing badass moms who have inspiration for vulnerable you know, sharing and as well as share the moms shared with me what they would do differently. And you know, it’s amazing because I had an amazing group of diverse moms from different backgrounds as well as different ages children. So it’s really interesting to listen, I’m really humbled that I had this opportunity to talk to so many amazing moms.
Hi Tony. Hold it just in case this is the recorded I’m going to say thank you for having me there was such a pleasure and honor to talk to you and I hope to be in touch with you and do some other things together with you to support moms
sorry I even I was worried
No, I just go pitch me out in the middle of that I have no idea what just happened it the whole thing just went black. I might it’s not my bad I’m plugged in. So I’m trying to see if it’s just my like computer didn’t update or something. I don’t know. What it’s doing, it’s fine now.
Are you recording? Or you’re guarded? No, it should be. It should be fine. Should be there. It brought me right back to it. So it should be if we need to record again, I’m again no problem.
still recording, so it looks like it. I’m so sorry. like today’s hearing against me today. No problems. You’re your own life. I guess you’re right. Oh my gosh, some days, everything just takes along smoothly. And then other days like the middle of it. And actually that happened whatever time it didn’t shut it down completely. But my computer and my phone are connected in some weird way, where every time I get a phone call, this whole alert goes across my screen. And I’m supposed to answer it either on my Mac or on my phone. I’m like, why does my phone keep ringing on my computer?
I know. That’s the the FaceTime kind of function, right? Like, it’s almost always my husband. I’m like, stop calling me.
The hazards cause and the wrong time. zooms I know it’s always
we’re good at that was you were amazing. Will my my amazing editors will edit all down for us.
Oh my gosh, thank you. Oh, thank you know that I’ve been on a number of podcasts, maybe six or so five or so. And some, some of some of the people are editing out everything. Like, I know, I know. But some of the people keep everything like the whole conversation was on. And oh my god, I listened to one of them. And I was so embarrassed. It made me realize how I speak of course, this is not my first language. You’re very, very fluent, though. Like it’s your son. So it was it was so hard for me to listen, because it seems like I said, I know, you know, you know, you know,
in my family these stances were the were our worst critics. Right? We’re always our worst critic.
I know. But you know, honestly, I’m cool about it, because it is what it is. Yeah, I’m glad I can speak to people in a foreign language. Yeah. I’m 45 whatever
it is. I was like, Hey, listen, this is me. I’m gonna keep growing and keep getting better. But at this point, I’m happy with who I am.
Yeah. So anyway, while you were gone, I was I thought I don’t know what’s happening. But I made some kind of like, I said something like, thank you for having me, it was so delightful to speak to you. Because I was wondering whether this is going to be something. So I want to talk to you before we hang up. So I’m going to restart again. And I’m planning you know, since I’m a mom, and there’s no childcare in this crazy times, I know what is going to happen, but I’m planning to convert my interviews with birth moms into podcasts. But I’m planning also the second season, perhaps in the fall or something, and I would love to have you on the show. And this is a good cash conversation about your experience with motherhood. What surprised you? What did you learn about yourself this kind of things? Totally. And usually it people really like it. It’s very inspiring. And I feel like this was so good for so many people. So I want to continue that.
Yeah, that’s a great idea. I love it. And listen, if you ever need anyone with helping you change everything over and get it set up for podcasts, like our team is amazing. And they’re in the States. And they’re really only Well, yeah, it’s just a family business. But Oh, well. Are they expensive? Because this is also a factor. Not according to me. I mean, it depends on the price. It would just be depending what you need, like how much you need done. If you already have all the recordings and everything done, it would be more just editing, right, just getting your your look up your logos up and all that stuff branded, and then you’re good to go. So
yeah, you know, I have the recording. I have them from zoom, though I know about streaming out but I’m like,
geez, I used to be married because it gives us a I think it’s a little easier to separate the sound from the video to know about that. Yeah, it’s fine to zoom. That’s what most people use. Yeah, I need them. I can you can always have a call with her and just feel it. Oh, yeah, we have each other emails. Right.
With that. We have each other email. Right. And are you on Instagram, by the way? Because? Yes,
there’s there’s three on Instagram for me. Separate so I’ve got my actual business. What is oil babies to find that and then let me say I think I have you. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you here. Maybe I didn’t. And then there’s the podcast. I go to a personal one. Okay, so we’ll get podcast. The podcast one is mom days. Mo m de AZE. The CEO. No, the websites.com. On Instagram, it’s just mom days. I think it’s Mondays podcast on Instagram.
Mom days. Thank you so much for your patience, but I’m looking for what was yours again. It’s just that I think that’s right. podcast so you will see the latest follower.
Perfect.
Yeah, so I’m already following you from oil babies. Gotcha. Uh huh. And then, so there’s Mondays and then my other one is. Hello, Holly Lowe says my name. So I’ll find you on that one too.
Let me have you on there to
hold it. I’m so thrilled that we connected it was so nice chatting to you about about other stuff. And I think it’s, you know, I’m beginning. I’m not sure if you’re into this, but I’m getting somewhere you can have conversations with sex therapists, etc. And I’m going to talk about moms and masturbation and Yeah, sometimes in the summer, because I feel like you know, I’m kind of tired of talking to moms about I mean, not the entire theory about self care and like, being this being implied and go do your nails.
bs is that you know, about
love. Like, I feel like it should be changed to self love more than anything you know,
like says love, including physical Yes. Of that, right? Like, pelvic floor problems we experienced after giving birth and like, weeping ourselves. No one talks about that everyone’s embarrassed.
I just did a little video I’m on Tick Tock as well. I did a whole video on that and tick tock took it down. They wouldn’t let me. Yeah. And it was funny. There was nothing like inappropriate it told me it was sexual. So I wasn’t allowed. Yeah, because I sell the pelvic floor balls ruled by a company that sells sex toys. So there there’s specifically weighted toy like balls meant to use for pelvic floor exercises, right? I go this way there because the way they’re promoted, they took it down sexual activity. And I’m like, I’m gonna do it on Instagram. Because Instagram like I’m following budget. I have it in I think I post reposted it in there. Yeah, there is it I think I share. Do you have any good connections to people who sell sell sell sex toys? Because I would love to connect with some people. My one supplier that I get these from is that’s all they do. They’re amazing. So I can I don’t have them on the shop yet. But I can refer to it. I just started with these because I thought they were pretty.
Can you connect me with this people that I do have some more personal connection? Because I’m trying to connect with people who sell sex toys, because I really actually want to, I want to propagate sex toys for moms, you know? Because usually tell
them what’s out. You can have your own line of them. It’s very easy. How can you just have them on your website? So there’s, I’ll send you the link. There’s a company that I my wholesalers are all from and it’s actually an American company, so be easier for you even to get them? Oh, yeah, there’s probably probably three or four different companies that fail. So it’s kind of like an umbrella for wholesalers. So what was the name of the company you use? Oh, that’s a good question. I can tell you right now hold on. Where’s my shop? So the name of ours is from ours are called be fit that let the letter B and then fit. And I think that’s the name of the company. Okay, well, but you know, let’s connect about that because I think let me Instagram won’t let me post those either. Like they’re in my there’s a picture of them in my Instagram shop. But if I try to click on the picture, it says this violates Instagrams. Ah, yeah, this is so crazy that they can consider and yet there’s all kinds of garbage on here you know, like is inappropriate and yet proper education. This is not so you can look for it.
Because I’m preparing this you know, I interviewed the sex therapist as the last guest in my my last season of interviews with by this month and now we planning this month and masturbation life. And I hope Instagrams gonna let us do
you have to there’s some things you have to change you can’t use the word masturbation you can’t use the word sex and you can type it but if you say it they’ll block it in like reels and things like that. But you can type it and replace letters with stars.
But you know what they actually I talked about because I talked about I had to live with some pelvic floor therapist
like lives are different lives pretty much yeah so perfect. So that’s what we’re gonna do with life which is when you do your write up don’t just your keywords will flag you that’s what you have to be careful okay. If I haven’t done graphic, I cannot come up that’s fine you know it’ll still flag you any any of those words. So that’s why we use the term self love a lot. Because the one way to get around it you just have to be sneaky. That’s all it is. Thanks for telling me there’s so many things taken down and like oh my goodness, because we did a we did a Valentine’s live where I actually it was a live workshop too that they could register for and it was making your own love potions with oils. We talked about the toys I talked about the the pelvic floor sighs as I talked about all that stuff, and it was it was a library for couples, but I had to be super careful. And there was a whole bunch of things that got got taken down or got blocked or God talk. So I went, I went back and edited them, which is the beauty of Instagram, whereas on Tick tock, once you put it up, it’s done. You can’t take it off. Well, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so thanks for telling me this, you know, because I play around with it and see what they let you do. But you’ll know as soon as like, you’ll see there’s zero views, or they’ll actually block it and say it’s inappropriate content or whatever. So, gosh, yeah. Is there anything I can do to support you? Honestly, I I’m loving just the connections I’m making. So if you know anyone who is looking for natural health help, and I do all free consultations. So that’s what we do zooms and phone calls anybody who’s having health issues, hormones, for women, postpartum issues, anything like that, and mental health. That’s kind of my specialty. So I work a lot with mamas who just need some natural options to support their body in their
mind. So maybe there is something I could, I could link as a resource, because here’s the thing, now I’m running this group coaching program, and here’s what it is. It’s like one group coaching session, and I offer curated resources and some journaling prompts, and so on. And then I give them some training materials after the session, but in the resources, I share whatever books, articles, blogs, videos, and I share also like, you know, Kundalini yoga or like, you know, for instance, is going to be making space for making space for matters. And in that one, I’m going to even share a link to my colleague who is a home organizer, nice, you know, professional home organizer. So that’s what I’m gonna do. But is there any kind of So the next one is caring for yourself? Hmm. That’s a big one. Yeah. Yeah. and caring for yourself one and then we come to the you know, loving yourself and sensuality and reclaiming your power, but not caring for yourself. Maybe I can, maybe there’s some kind of blend that you recommend to moms, I can link it to.
Yeah, well, if you want it, I mean, I’m more than happy. I’ve done this. For a lot of people, all they have to do is I can give you a link and they can get their free I can make you a custom roller blend. And they get it for free. They just pay the shipping. Oh, okay. And be specific to your anybody who’s in your program or in your right. So it could just be it could be the I have one that’s you know, the mummy mummy brain blend. I have one that I mean, especially if they’re specifically moms. We have one called the happy mommy. So there’s some different ones, they could always ask me about who I work with a mother.
I don’t work with postpartum moms, actually. I mean, Mom, really, I mean, that’s right. But I don’t want like freshly pushed postpartum. I feel like moms who just you and I have a lot of empathy, because we talked about this in this in this conversation how we all kind of a bit crazy in that time. Yeah. Right. So I don’t work with moms at this stage, just because they mostly not ready to look at exactly, yeah. Yeah. You know, so I work with a bit of at least I want to say preschool, early schools, and you know, teenage moms, teenage moms of teenagers.
Yeah. So this is, like we have, we have a hormone bland, we have one we call mom calm. That’s just for like, grounding.
Would you like to send me some links to your products, and I can just you know that to the products that you think are good for my group. And let’s see how it works. You know, I have six people in a program right now. So I will put it in the resources that’s going to be in August, because that’s, that’s the August session. And, you know, I’m gonna plug it in in a resource list and see if you let me know if they if they bought any, and then we can talk about you know, making some blends. That is specific, you know, like, let’s say to my brand is let’s say choose land from your or something, you know, where we can
actually make one just called clarity. That would be nice. clarity, right? Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I love chatting with you. As soon as you have more definitely, we can do more of this. Let’s try to do some lives on Instagram as well.
Yeah. So we will we’re going to I’m going to work on a list over the next few weeks are a little iffy, because we’ve got a whole bunch of things coming out. But I try to as soon as your episode is either launched or is about to launch or has just launched. And we’ll book in a time to get on a live together so we can chat too. So I’ll put the link when it’s up. And you can share it out and I’ll tag you in it when we share yours out and all that good. So if you have any any promo images that you would like me to use, like a headshot or anything like that, feel free to email that to me and I’ll make sure that those are graphics.
Yeah, okay. I will send you the I will send you a headshot and also you can send me the image that you post on your podcast Instagram, so I can post it on my profile. Sounds good. What is that about that when that happens I can now so I’m gonna send you the image. Oh, no, I
have no idea. I have to actually follow up. I have a meeting with my podcast team next week. So we’ll go over where we’re at, because we record so far ahead and then I kind of let them fill it in. Oh, yeah, I’ll find out what
Yeah, perfect. So let’s, let’s be in touch anyway. You can always email me or whatever, whatever you need. If you if you launch something new that is great for moms, and you need to hop on life to talk about this, you know,
let me know I would love to do that. Same like your programs are perfect for my audience. So that’s, that’s all I got.