What Yer Mama Didn’t Teach You:  Your body after baby

with Dawn Calvinisti

Alright, so welcome to this month’s episode of what’s your mama didn’t tell you. And I am joined once again by my amazing sister, Don Calvin st, all the way from Guatemala. And I am thrilled to be able to do this with her on an ongoing basis, mainly because I miss chatting with her on a regular day to day, chat time. But it’s nice to have someone who I count as having been a bit of a mentor and life coach for me. And now she’s making it official as a life coach for mamas, and just finding ways to live life unapologetically. And I think that is what you are amazing at anyway. So I’m glad that you’re here with us. And you can help share some of that wisdom that I’ve got to collect from you. So welcome back. Thank you. Nice to be back. We are hitting some fun topics today, aren’t we so we are talking about some postpartum things. And so I’m gonna throw out some areas that we both have been through and give you a little backstory. So both of us, I mean, dama through me, you can tell more about that. But you went through many years of deciding you weren’t ever having children. And I was pretty sure I was born ready to have children. Like, from the moment I knew what a baby was, I was going to have a lot of them. So very different in that way growing up, but she had them first. And I got to experience pregnancy, labor, birth, and all the unknowns that come with that through living vicariously through my sister. So I launched us into a whole career we I don’t think ever dreamed we would have, right? I mean, it’s worth coach. No, it’s so funny. You didn’t think about that. But you were amazing at and you’re still so gifted at that type of thing. And it was something that we learned because of I think really from that experience with your firstborn. Going, this is not what we ever learned, or anyone ever told me. My mama didn’t talk about this because she had two c sections, and totally different stories from her. And then you know, my I heard some things from our Auntie’s, or maybe from friends, but you really don’t always get either the good, you know, the good solid advice, or the nitty gritty, I find like, we kind of get the horror stories, right, we kind of get the horrible stuff without like, how do you how bad it is, but how do you fix it, you know, or the good parts of it, you know, you kind of I feel like there’s no balance to that. So that’s why we’re here because we want to hit some of these topics, and talk about what things we didn’t never we wish we had known. So Don, let’s start with let’s start with postpartum body.

 

Yeah. I just froze. Oh, that’s okay. There we go. receptions always an issue here. Yeah. Yeah. So I don’t think I had any clue what a body would look like. Feel like especially feel like do rate after birth. And things like just not even knowing when you go to go to the bathroom, that you feel like you’re inside. You may end up in the toilet, right? Nobody told me that. Nobody told me that, that things didn’t like, you know, can you have a baby, your body might look different, maybe things will droop or they won’t spring back as much that you hear. But you don’t necessarily hear that. You can’t even feel muscles anymore. Like you don’t know how to tense them or tighten them. Or someone says, Well, you know, pull up on your key goals, and you’ve just had a baby, you’re going. I don’t think they exist anymore. I don’t know. And my point, right, so it’s just funny because people don’t necessarily talk about those things. Almost like, like, like labor wasn’t already intimate enough. And bunch of people were looking at your parts and all of that. But nobody continues to the story than that. Those parts are different after, and it’s okay. And it’s normal. And you don’t have to be afraid. I have friends that after when I was saying my story, then we’re saying how afraid they were. But nobody ever talks about it.

 

 

Yeah, what was one I remember, like, I remember like it was yesterday, when you had your firstborn. What was one thing that you maybe stands out to you that you’re like, Whoa, like, you touched on a bunch of those. But what was something that you were like,

 

 

I had no clue this would happen. Yeah, I didn’t realize that. Like, I didn’t know Okay, so it’s totally ridiculous. But I didn’t realize my belly would be so lacks. And that every time I went to breastfeed, I happen to breastfeed, that it would hurt so bad in my belly. And yet, I didn’t know what was hurting because I couldn’t feel any muscles anymore. Like there was it was just this mushy thing, and yet cause excruciating pain when I breastfed. So that was something I really, I’d never heard anything about. And I didn’t realize at all, that I didn’t know what was there. I totally,

 

 

I totally agree. And I remember with my first I mean, mine was a little traumatic that delivery, but I remember feeling I probably said it to two, I was like, I can’t even sit up. Like I beyond the concept of having no stomach muscles. my lower back just felt like it was breaking. And I remember thinking no one ever tells you that you feel like you need a support brace, which I then learned about belly binding and how amazing it is, aren’t we. But the other thing I remember was not bringing well in my case, I had no clothes with me, because it was a strange story. I went home in a hospital gown. But I had no idea that bringing maternity clothes to the hospital was a good idea because you’re not just going to pop back into your pre pregnancy or maybe your first trimester clothing. And even now showing my kids you know, pictures of moms postpartum or you know, when they look at my Instagram account and things that I show them all the time to normalize it for them. always saying was there’s another baby in that belly. Is there still a baby in there? Nope. That is you have a baby belly for a while. And I know many mums were surprised by that. And many of our clients, even doula clients saying, I did not bring the right clothes to go home and like, I still need my jogging pants. I still need my maternity pants for a good month or two after a while things are going back to where they belong. So that was a big one for me. Yeah. I’d say another one. If we were talking about body changes, even I love they were talking about feeling like things were falling out. Oh my goodness, going having a bowel movement. Like how do you after you push out a baby? Fine, like things that you when you have to push, especially if you’ve got a hospital birth, they want to make sure you can have a bowel movement. Typically, before you’re released home Well, no one tells you just how traumatic that could be after a baby. So any any tips that you have on that one in particular? I don’t you know, we’ve learned a few things over the years. But is there anything you can think of that makes that a little less traumatic? Yeah,

 

 

so I’m gonna I’m gonna do two things on this. No one told me about a Perry bottle either. So like even for peeing, right? Because it burns and because things are raw down there. And I just remember the nurse handed me this bottle with a you know, look like a squirt bottle to squirt on my associate. Explain. I had no clue what she was doing, I thought was a drink bottle. Like I didn’t know what she’s doing. And she said just when you go pee squirt on yourself. And the incredible relief of having that was huge. And yet I had no idea that I would need it. So that was like for that part of it was awesome. And then you know, learning with subsequent kids how you can make it even better but but I think the other thing too was going to the bathroom is is understanding like, like you need to eat. Like I actually feared. I remember this was my very first I feared eating because I was so afraid to go to the bathroom and yet I knew I had to eat or they weren’t going to release me and just look At the food, I just kept thinking, but I don’t know if I can push that out. Like, I remember that inside. I know, I never said it to you because I was embarrassed. Like, it just felt like I can’t, How do I explain to you this feeling of, I might lose, like, my heart might fall into the toilet. That’s how I felt like everything was just loose inside. And so I think, since then I realized the one thing that would have been really great to know, the first time was just what I ate after, right, like I didn’t think about, like, have a smoothie, have something that has like some fiber, but that’s kind of blended, you know, so that it just doesn’t have the traction to be super solid. And, and because you have been straining and so on, you may have hemorrhoids, right? Again, something I think, might have been somewhere in something I read, but didn’t really know what that was, per se. But just not wanting to strain to have to go, right. So just knowing things that can make that a little safer and more comfortable. Again, not that everything’s gonna fall inside. It’s just that you feel like

 

 

I remember you telling you that and as soon as I have my first I was like, yep, that’s exactly what this feels like. Yeah. Okay, so you said about the bottle. And this is something that I’m passionate about. And as you know, I have a baby store. And that’s something I right away started sourcing, because I wanted to have Perry bottles that people could buy to have at home or to gift to friends. Now that you know, after you hear these, these episodes with us, you’re gonna know what to buy your friends for postpartum gifts are for baby getter. But I remember asking if I could have a Perry bottle to take home with my first and they said no. And I was like, what you just spoiled me for the first 12 hours. And I was going home early because I wasn’t supposed to be at the hospital. And I thought hitting me so I snuck it home, put it in my bag and took it. But then I remember a midwife it was at your house, actually. And I remember asking her is this like something we can get? And she just said, Oh, of course. I’ll bring you one. And I’m like, What do you have? But thanks. Nobody tells you you can ask for these things or that you should be allowed to take one home. Anyway. Yeah. I was like, Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to go home and do this? I have to pee at home. And I had a running 1211 stitch. So I definitely needed. That was fun times.

 

 

Good time. And I think like one of the things I was told in my prenatal classes, which was a lifesaver was to freeze our pads, right? freeze the the maxi pads and put them on just for helping decrease inflammation and comfort and so on. And like that again, if that hadn’t been said in my class, I would have had no idea about Yeah,

 

 

parry pads, or whatever popsicle pads. Yeah, my goodness. And then so on that note, because this is another one that I’m super I preach from the hilltops is what kind of pads you’re using postpartum. I mean when they say the big attends diaper for the first three hours or whatever, whatever take it. But to be able to have something that isn’t going to cause itching, I had massive allergic reactions to the pads from the hospital that went on for months. And I thought I was losing my mind, I thought something was wrong with me, until one of the midwives finally said you are having a full blown allergic reaction to the plastics and whatever toxins or whatever are in these pads. So finding something like you know, if you if you use a washable, I mean, if you’re super heavy bleeder then you have to find what works for you. But there are non toxic options there are now we have like I use Nick’s underwear, they now have a postpartum line. It things like that, just to kind of ease off on putting the plastics in the formaldehyde and the things print against that roschin it actually helps slow down your postpartum bleeding in a healthy way too. It helps regulate it better. And it kind of stops some of that other itching and other things that can happen that you didn’t know could happen. Yeah.

 

 

Yeah, exactly. How many people right now are like totally horrified by that and they’re pregnant with story. I believe you’ll be you’ll be thankful later, you said things you need to know. We’ll do a pregnancy ones. All right. I just want you all to know I didn’t want kids. And once you’re pregnant, there’s no going back. So we’re giving it to you know, if you can’t change it now, you might as well just get the good stuff.

 

 

You’re in it. We just want to make sure you’re covered. You’ve got tracks from these girls. Okay. We’ve got your back. Avoid. Didn’t Know About. Yeah, exactly. And it’s funny because it’s, it’s, we definitely have more of these conversations now than ever before. I think back even 17 years to when we were doing this with you the first time. I mean, I think no matter how little we knew, and it’s sort of horrifying, that as well as you did you know, it’s with each baby you learn and as time goes on and research advances, if you’re willing to hear it if you’re willing to once you know better do better, right? That idea, then it does change for you. You have to be adaptable. That way. So I’m glad that we have the ability to have these conversations now, so that you know, our kids will I mean, my poor children, I’m sure yours are the same. My poor kids were about birth and postpartum than any will be educating their wives. So yes. I was like I have brainwashed them thoroughly. My predominant love, I feel sorry for them already. Okay, let’s talk about postpartum sex. Hmm. There was a really funny story on tik tok or somewhere that I was browsing through as I was scrolling stuff. And it was a really funny one about doctors you know, your six week, checkup, right doctor or midwife, kind of your your release of care checkup, getting the checkmark, you’re clear to resume sexual activity, and the husband’s going like, Whoa, here we go. And the women are like you’re dreaming. And it was this whole concept of, you know, you’ve got to the six week mark, everything’s good to go. Jump in the bed, right and have fun. Now for some women, they’re more than ready, and sometimes even before that, but for many, and I think I think that’s a pretty true, I could probably find a statistic on it. For many it’s not it’s it’s nerve racking. It’s can be uncomfortable, and even painful. And really, like we just talked about, you feel like your whole insides have been reorganized, which they have, and are shifting still back into position, it took nine months to move them, all your organs are now not going to magically just pop back where they were within a week or two. So they’re slowly going to make their way back, your insides are going to sort themselves out, because that’s the beauty of how we’re created and our bodies are made. But when it comes to intimacy when it comes to connecting on a sexual level, regardless of what it was like through pregnancy, because those hormones can be raging through pregnancy, right. And then there’s other issues going on towards the end of pregnancy that makes it more complicated. But you’ve just pushed a human out of you. How do you connect in a way that you maybe can feel comfortable or safe, secure, not in pain? What are some ideas that you have for that?

 

 

Yeah, and I’m going to add to that, because I’ve had lots of conversations with a couple, because both of us were were doulas and with couples after and I’ve actually had conversations with dads who they are very concerned about the after in the burst, if they’ve been there, if they seen the area in a totally different way. Never seen it before. And real concern like that they’re that they’re going to hurt their wife, or concern that that area is now different in their eyes, like just they don’t see it quite the same. And that can actually be a bit of a turn off sometimes for some dads or for other dads a bit of a fear factor. So yeah, so it can change on both parts or only on one or sometimes not at all, and it’s fine. But for I think for a lot of moms, some of the things that are really valuable is to learn keto, like to really learn how to exercise, so that you know you’re holding that area of muscle as if you’re trying to stop peeing, and then releasing it. And there are so many you can I mean, you can Google it, there’s a million different types of Qigong exercises, holding it not holding it, quick, slow all of that, and they’re all good. And after you have a baby and more, so the more children you have, it’s really important not just for your sexual relationship, but for continents and for you know, being able to not dribble every time you laugh, cough, you know, jump on the trampoline with your kids, all those things. So it’s important than everywhere, because that’s part of your, your health. And I think that’s something for mums that within just a few days of having a baby, you can actually start those. So I think the sooner that you do that, the sooner you start to feel a little more in control of your body of how your body feels of how its functioning, that you can feel that there’s response that you are broken, okay, because I’ve heard that word a lot. And and that your body will have a new normal. And often, you know, often for many women, the new normal is not that far off the old normal, and sometimes it goes back totally to the old normal. So yeah, exactly. Right.

 

 

I remember I used to sex was painful when we were first married, I had a hard time with that. And I remember going to see a gynecologist struggling with this forever. And that it was the one of the doctors we’ve worked with I here at one of the hospitals and you know, didn’t have a great reputation as an OB they had a great reputation as a gynecologist. So I’m like, I don’t know what I’m going to take away from this. But she basically just left me with you’ll be fine once you have your first baby. Great, but how do I get to that point. But it was true. In my case, it actually was I once I had a baby it changed it completely and it made it a lot better. So that’s a little bit hope for anybody who maybe have dealt with, you know, any issues like that, it oftentimes will make things a lot easier to so now Get in conversation, right? Hey, yo, see, we’re related. I think conversation is that open conversation is important. Because if you don’t know where your partner’s, like you said, you know that your husband is completely freaked out by what he saw, right or, or is just feeling very nervous about hurting you or how your comfort or whatnot that can change things completely. And guys are not always the best at explaining that, right? They don’t want to sound silly or like they don’t want to have sex, because that’s just not normal for a guy. So it really comes down to a conversation, even in the weeks of healing, right, and just, you know, finding what works for you guys as a couple, and what meets each other’s needs in a respectful way and being open, because you won’t get past that in a healthy way. Unless you do it. It can kind of draw right into issues later even in your marriage, in your relationship or in your whatever. If you don’t have that conversation.

 

 

Yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of that too, like right after, and like you’re saying though, in those weeks that you’re healing, it’s important to talk about what, what feels good and doesn’t feel good to you even just in touch, right, just being cuddly or caressing, and so on. Because maybe your breasts are now off limits, maybe you’re feeling really sensitive, because you are breastfeeding, and you have a ton of milk and you know, it’s not comfortable, or maybe maybe your belly is, is still recovering and feels itchy or tender. Or, or maybe you just don’t like how it is right now. Because it’s different for you. So having those conversations even then about like, this is how I’m feeling. I don’t know, if I like this, I don’t know if this has changed, right? And finding those things out together, it can actually be kind of interesting, because you You are a different person in a lot of ways. And so is he because you’re now parents. And if you’ve never been that before, then this is a whole new set of people coming at a sexual relationship, even though you had a sexual relationship. It’s not the same people, like in many ways, it’s not. And so you need to figure out who are you in this in this new relationship? You know, because yes, your parents, but you still are a couple first and your relationship and the strength of it, is what your children’s security is going to be dependent on it. So that has to be figured out.

 

 

Yeah, and it takes time. It’s not, like, that’s why we were I was always laughing at these little videos, cuz I’m like, it’s not like the six week, you’re free to go in life, just everything turns back on, and you’re ready to roll. That’s not how it works. So yeah, I think it is really important for those open conversations, I read something once I thought was really helpful. And it was talking about in the weeks as you’re healing. And I mean, we talk about this, a lot of times in our prenatal classes, when we used to teach them and encouraging, you know, partners and dads, whatever, to be just kind of like the right hand of mom for those weeks, and just whatever she needs, just go for it not ignoring the fact that you have needs to but taking those times, it’s only for a few weeks, taking that time to get into a rhythm as a couple as a parent as a getting to know your baby, all those good things. And that’s why I kind of like that six week of baby moon, you know, just chill, just take life easy for those weeks, there’s no pressure, no expectations. And even after you’ve been released from that, if you’re feeling good maybe before that, but when you are feeling good, taking time to just have a date, you know, go for a walk without Baby, you know, have someone look after baby or with baby, whatever, but do something together as a couple that you can connect emotionally because that’s where it all starts. And you’re sleep deprived, and you’re trying to figure this all out. So you know, whether it’s cuddling on the couch and watching a movie, and having those conversations that you know, I like it when you when you hold me I like it when you hold my hand. You know, please don’t touch my butt, or whatever it is, the being being brave enough to say that and also being open and vulnerable enough at between each other to say, hey, this isn’t, this isn’t a personal thing to you, you know, I’m not I’m not trying to be hurtful in any way and doing it in with respect and doing it kindly. It’s actually I’ve had some great experiences I’m sure you have two great conversations with you know, clients and with couples over the years who have taught me things about that about just going Wow, you guys did this really well. Like you’ve done this while you figured it out. You know, you’ve learned something new you both like you’ve learned a couple of things you didn’t even know beforehand you didn’t like so I think it’s actually a great opportunity to uplevel that spicy, you know, spice up your sex life a little bit as you go along too, which is good.

 

 

I remember No, go ahead. I remember a few couples that that just did it so well. And one of the things I thought was really cool. Was this one couple who just got it that the baby doesn’t know you’re doing it. That was that was a conversation. The baby doesn’t know you’re doing it. So the reality is if you you want to get in the shower together just have intimacy and like even just wash each other and when mom’s not, you know at that point yet, but she’s released to do anything. Just To connect and have intimacy, you can put the baby right in their little seat in their chair in the bathroom, while you’re soaking each other’s back. Like that is a good thing that gives you time together to connect and touch and you know, and just enjoy each other’s bodies and mum, to be able to let you as a dad see her body’s different now, right and be accepting of it and encouraging of it. And all of that. And same thing, like when it is time, if the baby’s in the room, you’re not scaring them for life if you decided to have sex in the room, right? Like, there’s just it’s been interesting talking to people over the years and how some did it so well. And some felt feel bad because they felt they did it so badly. And all the things that you learn over that. And yeah, so I just think I think it’s neat when you hear a few people were like, wow, it’s like you guys really did do it? Well, you figured it out, and you’re willing to experiment and explore and try something different because you’re a new territory.

 

 

I love that. I’m so glad you said that. I have to tell you, I’m gonna tell you a really funny story. And it’s only because you’re my sister, I can tell you this. So because one day, you’re gonna end up with a 13 year old, who now understands why there’s a lock on your bedroom door. Who gets up last night, and midnight decides he needs to get a glass of water. But the fridge light isn’t on. I don’t know what that was about. So he needs to come by to open your bedroom door and tell you something’s wrong with the fridge. The light isn’t on. So when he can’t get your door open. He’s getting a little frantic. Over Why can’t you get your gerben there’s a lot of scrambling going on. And then the door opens so we have no clue how he opened it because it was locked. Anyway. And then there was a very awkward conversation this morning, when he realized probably why the door was locked. So when they’re babies, it’s fine. Do your even toddlers, man like if they’re sleeping? Take them moment, just naptime. Because when they’re 13, and they know where babies come from

 

 

it all other Yeah. Oh my gosh, the poor kid. That was hilarious. He was a little trumpet. He then got up a second time and had to go get a serenity capsule to put up.

 

 

And I don’t know what was wrong with the fridge. We thought he was sleepwalking honestly, because he does that. Anyway, that’s my story.

 

 

But yeah, so at the youngest age, you’re not gonna skirt yet. You won’t scar them until they’re 14, then apparently. Okay, I want to show you this because I think you’ve seen these. But this I’m in love with these. And I never,

 

 

I never hold up products on my, my podcast. But I want to show these because these are the beef, it is hard to see what the light is until the beef at classic. There we go. And they literally look just like that there’s a big one and a small one. We talked about cables. And even just like trying to find that part of your body again, and for intimacy and whatnot. But these are specifically for cables, they just happen to be a little fun, too. So there’s the little size, and these come out. They’re just a silicone cover and there’s no like, no seams are anything fantastic. But it helps you they’re weighted, they’re heavy. So it helps train those Kygo muscles that you can’t feel. So you literally just put them up inside your weight. You’re doing weights with your vagina weights. Let’s I told my my nine year old that’s what they were. They are said their vagina wait for it, they work, okay, they’re freaking amazing. But on top of that they are good for again, just finding some lighting up a bit of desire, finding some of those feelings again, in that part of your body for ladies especially. But like you said, just being able to connect in a touch way is so beautiful as a couple. So don’t ignore or kind of overlook, because I will tell you, the prudish side of me for years was like oh my gosh, I would never use something like that. But then I started talking to a pelvic floor therapists and learning more about what they actually do, because I I have a prolapsed uterus. And I needed to learn more about how I could help strengthen things in there. And this was one of the first things that came up.

 

 

And I was like, really, that’s okay, you have a tool for this. I don’t have to

 

 

visualize where things are. So just that was a fun little one. So that’s why we ended up bringing them into the oil baby shop, because I’m like, What the heck, this is brilliant. So that was my plug for the best pelvic floor toy I’ve ever seen.

 

 

But it’s true. It’s like you really afterwards have a hard time knowing where that muscle is and finding it and so having something that actually forces you to clench, right and if you don’t if although, like, it’s awesome, it’s brilliant, and I wish again, I wish people talk more about pelvic floor health. After because there’s, I mean, have you ever heard of pelvic floor therapist before maybe the last four years, like three years, four years. And and yet the need was huge. Like I have tons of friends who are now my age now with kids that are in their teens who are still suffering, and just never did anything in the beginning, because there was nothing offered to them.

 

 

Yeah, well, I’ve even been talking lately to there’s a couple of friends I have had that don’t, they’re my age, your age, and they don’t never had children, they still have health issues, whether it’s like sports, you know, doing aggressive as a child or you know, trauma or whatnot. So it’s kind of a universal thing as we age that those muscles do get kind of lacks, and they do need to be worked out. I love it. Good tips, good advice, we could go on forever, but postpartum, there’s a million things on this topic. There really are there. And I actually I’m excited because I do have a new friend here in our area, who is a pelvic floor therapist who’s going to be chatting with us at some point too. So get down and dirty with how to take care of your pelvic floor muscles even more. So. Alright, I’m gonna stop there. Because like I said, we could keep going forever. But here are some topics we have coming up. Right, let’s, let’s give them a little teaser. Some of the things we were going to talk about. We’re going to talk more about, we’re going to talk more about, you know, sex life with kids, as you as they get older. And as you start to get older. I never had talked more about perimenopause, and menopause and kind of heading into those years and what that looks like things we didn’t know, we’ll definitely cover some pregnancy as well, because that was our you know, our, that’s our field of expertise. Both you and I. And beyond that, obviously, we’ve got lots more good stuff. But what I wanted to say was, if you have a topic that you think fits what your mama didn’t tell you, then you need to send it in. So you can email it in, you’ll see the links at the bottom, you can email those in or let either of us know. And we’ll share, you know your ideas as we do these. And we’ll come up with some good information for you as we go along. And probably some very personal stories as we go to.

 

 

I expect one from you next time. All right, awesome. Well, we will talk again soon. Thank you so much. And see you on the next episode. By the end ever happened to me?

 

 

That is hilarious. I feel like I didn’t teach you well. No. I just say to my children. At this point, I just say to my children. Mommy, Daddy went to bed. Now. If anyone shows up in a room tonight, you’re going to be in for a shock. So I’d highly advise you to stay in your own room. I just say it like that. And then they’re like, well, now you know. And then whether it’s tonight or not tonight, they’re just afraid to come to our room. Right? So now now they’re like, I hear from downstairs. Can we come up? Because Can we come up? Nope. And we’re telling me like not till I put my pants back on. And he’s like, this is great. We can read watch a movie like we do anything now. Like they’re just afraid to approach a room in our room watching a movie, but they have no clue. They just have no idea well enough that I can say things like that. I know

 

 

that my kids are now at that age, at least one of them is that that age were there is that understanding? Because up to this point, we’ve been able to find your way through it. Right. I haven’t had to say anything. Although there was the conversation when he noticed a lock on our bedroom door at one point. I think they I think the little ones went in and locked him out. You get a lock on your door. And like it’s always been there. we resolve it. So it wasn’t always there. It was like, and even last night at the end of it. I was like yeah, so what was going on with the fridge? Were you sleepwalking or was it actually something wrong? And he’s like, Ah, no. Ah, sorry. I’m so sorry. I came in your room. I why was your door locked? I’m like, I don’t know. I don’t know. So now let’s have the conversation of when the doors locked. Yeah. Oh, come in a room. I think he was scared that the power had gone out. Because well maybe other fuse definitely keeps blowing because we have 1,000,001 computers plugged in at the moment. Don’t tell me when our rigs in the garage so it’s blowing fuses left right and center every so often. And he’s worried that the fridge downstairs will go off and the fish tank will go off and Oh, that’s too funny. Right. So I think that was the oh good times with the teenager. Yep. I love it.

 

 

I have really good conversations now because one of the girls Bella hangs out with here. She’s pregnant. She’s 19 really. And she’s a missionary daughter. And she’s, she’s totally, like, regretful and doesn’t know why she ever let it happen. And so it’s been really good conversations like, really good conversations. Wow. I still have a hard time picturing our kids as teens. Yeah. Welcome much. My daughter drives me around now. So

 

that was the newest conversation with Zack saying, so, please, thinking this journey is like so I could get my license in three years. And I said, baby, then it goes. So I could actually be, how old would Ashton be in three years. And I said, nine.

 

 

He goes, Emma’s age. I’m like, Yeah, because Hey, buddy, when you’re nine, I can drive you over to Wyatt’s house. I can drive you by myself. And you’re like, No, you can’t. And Austin’s like, Yeah, let’s do it. Boys are off. Then you have to when you can afford your insurance, you can drive by yourself.

 

How’s that? We made Mateo. Get in the car last week, just to back it up. Yeah, right here on our street, like just to back up to one other space. And he’s like, I don’t think I should do this. I’m only 15 I don’t think I should do we do this? Like, buddy, just breathed. Like, just move it into reverse. He goes, you’re able to touch the gas. Like you’re literally just gonna lift your foot off the brake and put it back on. Do something wrong? What if I do something wrong? He’s like, Oh, well, then you go through the door of our house, but we’re not

 

 

exactly the same. Like anytime he’s had a chance to just even sit with us and drive. That’s the constant like my doing it right. Is it okay, am I going? Am I supposed to press that? And we’re like, You’re not even it’s our feet on the pedal.

 

 

Steer. I know, we missed out on that. Mattel grew too fast. All of a sudden, we can’t fit him.

 

 

Last year we went through that it was kind of like Africanized right, we that was the only place to go see things at the time when things were shut down. So he actually crawled in between games legs, we push the seat as far back so that Gabe could still fit the his foot to the pedal. And there’s like sitting way up a picture of it. I’m like, this is the last time that’s ever gonna happen. Next time,

 

 

I’m driving. You know how we’re talking about the whole like the birth order thing? Yeah. ivelina is like a firstborn. lapboard. Like so both. So both first in the more I’m reading about it and researching it. I’m like, Oh my gosh, he is totally first. And it’s funny because I was thinking the other day, like, I believe on Ashton are actually the same kids like in that way. But because she’s the same age as me, we compare it to Emma, but they’re not at all the same. No. And so and Matteo and Emma are much more like, like, they have that kind of personality, but they’ll but they’ll nail you if you get on the nerves too much. Right? Like it’s funny. But anyway, so so she’s so Adelina is the one in the backseat, who’s constantly Do you ever seatbelt on? Put your seatbelt on? Wait, get your seatbelt on, like, What is with your like the Daredevil She goes, but we’re safe. Safety level. That’s a new one.

 

 

So we’re in the parking lot yesterday at Walmart. Oh, we’re at the dentist. So I’m pulling out and I had to just pull from one parking lot to the next parking lot like no roads, nothing. And I’m like, okay, just hop in your seat. I’m just going across the parking lot to that spot. It’s dead. There’s nobody there. To drive. I don’t have my lawn. I’m like, Okay. All right. Are you in your seat? Well, yes, but it’s not even clicked. Meanwhile, the whole thing across and he’s like, frantically trying to keep it running 10 miles per hour.

 

 

She won’t like here in Guatemala. You can do whatever you want. Right? Like there’s no like, welcome drive. Motorcycles out. You send me pictures of people. With a fridge on the back. I missed I totally missed a photo the other day of a guy with his trunk up driving down the highway with a motorcycle tied into the backs of the back row road and he’s towing it in the trunk. Oh, that would be such a good photo. I totally missed it. You could do like old photo series of like, I totally could. It’s seen the things like but it’s amazing like there is genius but Instagram account just of thing. Driving things odd everything. But Avellino won’t sit in the front seat. Like everyone will call shotgun but she won’t because no, cuz it’s dangerous because the airbag I’m like we can push you way back. Nope, nope. Yeah, I shouldn’t Exactly.

 

 

Totally say like, if he doesn’t have a seat like if something happens and we have to go from one house to another or something, and someone does wreck his car seat Nope. We have to take this whole seat out, give it to the other car like there’s not happening like that he only has the little booster seat in his. And he’s he’s now officially tall enough and heavy enough to have just the art the shoulder strap, but I still have it on my harness just for my mind. Right, right. Yeah. What other I didn’t do that with any of my kids at six, but he’s the baby. So he’s gonna stay in his five point harness. I get it. He gets in the other car. And he’s like seatbelt and the booster seat and he’s like, Is this okay? I don’t think this is okay. I should I have like, Is there another? Should I do the other strap? Remember the one time he was trying to put the waist belt from the middle seat around as well.

 

 

To get the whole birth order that’ll be definitely the same kid. And she’s the same kid who like climbs trees and gets stuck in them. Because none of the other kids go as high as her. I’m like, how? How can you do that? and be like, Oh, my goodness, that’s her. She’s,

 

 

yeah, he lands on the trampoline right now learning how to do front flips. And he’s literally flinging himself around the trampoline. And I’m gonna click on like,

 

 

that started doing that. That was scary. Oh, my gosh, you should see him though. Doesn’t everywhere. We’ve missed you guys. I know when she goes to

 

 

mssu. She’s been planning this. So she because I think from all our conversations without Lena. She’s like, because she’s missing her like crazy. And she’s like, so every time we talk about, you know, restrictions and whatnot, and she’s like, so well. It’s not like we’re gonna drive to Guatemala, because then we have to go through Mexico, and they’re gonna kill us.

 

 

Today, I’m like to kill you, Mexico. Mexican, really? I’m like, why would we drive to Guatemala? Because we can’t fly. Like, yeah, we can we can fly anywhere. We just can’t come back. She goes, Oh, well, that’s, that’s not a problem. Right?

 

 

I know. That’s I said, we need to just tell Holly gates just come and stay here for six months or however long you want to stay like we did last year?

 

 

We would totally do it. It’s like, I don’t know. At this point. It’s just I don’t know what we’ll do.

 

 

Yeah, we have like a year and year and a little bit left here. Like in the least. So yeah. Yeah. lots of options playing with I am, I would be willing to do East Coast for summer. And then you, like get a place either South Carolina or, you know, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d want to Florida, but somewhere close to Florida. Yeah. And then do the, you know, six months there six months on the East Coast, down here for the winter? Yeah. Just honestly, it’s more we’re doing it more business so that for taxes, we want to move our doTERRA business to the US. Is that hard to do? No. Oh, no, no, no, you see the house, you need a home that you actually live in that you pay bills that it can’t be rented out. And it can be owned by the by your corporation. So

 

 

well, you could do the same thing here though. I wonder if you’re 14% only? Yeah, but we have states that have zero. You have what? There are states that have come right off thing, which is pretty good.

 

 

Yeah. But we’re I mean, we’re at what 13% here, and it’s killing us. Right. So that’s what we were trying to figure out. We’re like, okay, from a corporate standpoint, what makes the most sense to move the business to and then whenever we get beyond that we can do without it right? Right. Oh, and it’s easier to travel from the States anyway.

 

 

Yeah, for sure. That’s the big issue we’re facing right now is getting out of Canada is fine. You can’t get back in you can’t get back in it’s driving me crazy because mom and dad on on us like as if we’re doing some huge disservice not coming to see them. And I’m like, do you not get the hassle? Like it is far easier for you guys to come see us and for us to come to you? Yeah, like it doesn’t make any sense.

 

 

It is it is they’ve made it super confusing though to wear